🚩 5 Red Flags to Lookout for in Friendships
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I love discussing relationships specifically friendships. At this grown age it’s extremely important to use discernment when deciding who has access to your inner circle. This list serves as a reminder of things to look out for when you’re connecting with new people, or evaluating your existing friends. There are tons of behaviors that can be considered “red flags” but here are some specific things to look out for. As always, listen to your own gut and decide for yourself because only you know what’s best! These are solely my opinions.
1. People that tell you their other friend’s business.
Sure, we all share things about our other friends. However, there is no reason why I should know all of the intimate details of your friends life; especially if I’ve never met them before. It gives “gossip energy” and I’m not a fan. I’m naturally a very private person. Only one of my friends knows the details of my life (hey Nathalie if you’re reading this lol) so I would be extremely taken aback if someone else knew details about me that I personally never shared with them. When someone gossips to me about their friend’s business, I innately know that they’re doing the same exact thing behind my back.
2. When they make you “the butt of their jokes” especially around other people.
It’s normal to make little cute/lighthearted jokes about your friends here and there. However, someone who intentionally makes you feel bad especially around other people is a big red flag in my opinion. It’s an attempt to lower your confidence and embarrass you. It’s awfully distasteful, and often times the “jokes” are the truth in how they actually feel about you. You want people in your corner that are going to support you behind your back and in front of others!
3. Friends that don’t put in effort/one sided friendships.
I’ve personally dealt with this one a lot and it’s pretty hurtful. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that everyone has things going on, and I no longer take it to heart. However, I personally do not prioritize people that do not prioritize me. Period! If one person is constantly reaching out, making plans, following up, making reservations, starting conversations, and the other person is barely responding or showing up, I would cut them off immediately. I value those who value me, and in my opinion it’s important to just go where you are loved. I’m big on reciprocity, and so if someone isn’t able to expel energy to maintain the friendship, it’s over for me. This is just something to be mindful of as your friendships progress.
4. When they only call you to vent or talk about themselves.
I feel like this one is a given. It’s also a huge pet peeve of mine. I think it’s a bit self-centered to constantly call someone and vent about your problems. Especially when someone vents about the same topic over and over again. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. All of us have things going on and it’s nice to have a listening ear here and there. But to call someone and spew negative words gives me “energy vampire” vibes. Nobody has time for that! Actually, a therapist does. And they literally get paid for that kind of work. Your friends are not your therapists.
5. Friends that only invite you to big events.
This one may be a bit controversial. However, personally I wouldn’t want to pursue a friendship with someone who only invites me places where bringing a gift is required. Think wedding, baby showers, bridal parties, etc. If the only time I hear from you is when I need to bring a gift; that’s not a true friend in my opinion. If we’re friends I should be invited to those little in-between moments as well. Examples include coffee dates, brunch, movies and walks. Friends should be able to enjoy each other’s company in the small moments as well.
Are there any friendship red flags that you look out for?
